3 Years Ago…

WARNING: This post contains the topic of suicide

Tomorrow (April 4th, 2020) marks the 3 year anniversary of my friend Joshua Nelson’s death. I was a sophomore in high school when I had gotten the news that Josh had ended his own life. I have already broken down today in tears just thinking about how much I am going to be in at the time tomorrow. I’m going, to be honest, I don’t know exactly what I planned on saying in this post, but I know that I needed to write it down.

I miss him every day. I think about him probably twice a day if not more. I see him in the summer days and I hear his voice in every song I sing. Oh, how I wish that we could have grown up together. He was so strong in his faith it was inspiring. He did not talk about Jesus like it was a higher power, Josh talked about him like Jesus was a best friend. I am confident that he would be going to George Fox with me if he was still with us.

I am not excited in the slightest that I have to spend the 3rd celebration of his life alone in my house. I hate that I can’t hug my friends because I am hurting too badly. Let me tell you that, yes, the pain dulls. Eventually, I will be able to think about Josh without crying and someday the nightmares will stop, but right now all I have is the good memories to CLUTCH onto for DEAR LIFE.

This post was more of a stream of consciousness rather than a well thought out homework assignment, and I don’t blame anyone for seeing the warning at the beginning and deciding not to read this at all. Overall, I just wanted to get my feelings out on paper, well in this case, a screen.